Posted by & filed under Desire & Pleasure, Sexual Health.


My question is that I need to know if without romance is it impossible to enjoy sex myself. I don’t know anything concerning that. Please, I need your help.


Dr. Melanie Davis says: There are different answers for each person. If you were taught that sex is only OK within a marriage or committed relationship, and if you agree with that idea, you may feel a lot of shame or guilt if you have sex without love. If you’ve only had sex with romantic partners before and are considering a casual sexual relationship, you may be more concerned about feeling comfortable enough to relax and enjoy sex.
Many people enjoy the physical release of sexual activity without romance. They receive the comfort and pleasure that comes with being close to another person. If orgasm happens, preferably for both partners, that can make the experience even more satisfying. There is no reason to feel embarrassed or ashamed about wanting to have sex without romance. Physical contact and sexual release are normal human needs that everyone has a right to enjoy.
You may find this online panel discussion interesting, since it is about having sex with friends (“friends with benefits”) without romance. It features Joan Price, one of this website’s contributing experts.
A few things can increase the odds that you’ll enjoy sex without romance:

  • You are eager to have sex. If you’re only doing it to please someone else, you may regret it later.
  • You are prepared. You’ve got condoms (to protect against sexually transmitted infections) and personal lubricant (for comfort) and a comfortable place to engage in sex.
  • You are comfortable with your partner. You’ll want to be able to discuss your sexual health, boundaries (what you enjoy doing, are willing to try, or aren’t interested in doing), and expectations.
  • You know what you like. If you have never touched your own body and genitals and experienced orgasm, it may be difficult to show a new partner what you enjoy sexually. Even long-time partners aren’t mind readers; new partners without the incentive of a romantic relationship may be less inclined to experiment and learn what pleases you. So, get comfortable pleasing yourself. You can use your hand, rub against a pillow, use a hand-held shower with warm running water on your genitals, or use a vibrator. You’ll often find vibrators in the condom area of drug stores. You can also experiment with any vibrator designed for the neck or back.

I encourage you to read the fact sheets (FAQs) on www.SaferSex4Seniors.org which include tips on talking to a partner, sexual enjoyment, toys, and more.


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