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Q. When you agree to a safe place to stop prior to sex, how do you “enforce” it?

Dr. Melanie Davis says: Good for you to having a conversation about boundaries prior to having sex! If a partner doesn’t respect your boundaries, your relationship lacks trust and safety, both of which are essential for healthy emotional and sexual relationships.
You have every right to stop the action immediately if you are uncomfortable. It is not enough to shift your body, move your partner’s hands, or say a meek, “Let’s just kiss,” because all of those actions can be misinterpreted or deliberately ignored. Say exactly how you feel, with confidence and conviction. You do not owe an explanation, but if you want to offer one, you might say, “We agreed to cuddle and kiss, and now you’re trying to move further. I’m not interested in that now. I need you to respect my limits, or I’m off limits to you.”
The next step is to reconsider whether you want to spend time with someone who doesn’t respect the boundaries you have agreed on. If this person was simply over-eager, talk about your concerns before you set a date for another cuddle ‘n kiss session. If you feel that the pressure will continue, it’s time to find a more caring and trustworthy partner.

 


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